Original Letter

           France

                        9th March. 1918

 

My Dearest Sweetheart:–

Your letter to-day made me very sorry for lots of things that I have done and for lots of things that others have done. I mean that part of your letter where you told me about Jean and Maria – about Billy and Fauvette and your comment generally. Jean is a pig so is Billy but I am the greatest pig of all. It is quite true what you say about men we are all selfish and thoughtless – criminally thoughtless. Of course I have thought of a hundred times when I have ‘played’ when I might have been with you and while it may be good for me it isn’t comfortable. But there is no excuse for any of us Billy, Jean or moi-meme. But it is nothing in Gods world but thoughtlessness. Take my own case – now. I never realized that you felt so strongly about it. I never dreamed that it hurt you until you wrote so forcibly about it. And lots of times, long ago, I thought that it must be a relief for you to get shut of me for a while. (I know differently now) and lots of times when I was away from you I wanted to be with you – and thats true as preaching. I hope that I may have the chance to make up for all the times I must have hurt you Dearest, because I know that I have lots of times. Women are great and you are the best of them all. They do love a lot and you more than any of them. If I love you less than you love me it is only because I haven’t the capacity and not because I have anything else to like. Because every bit of love and affection in me is yours. In four months and sixteen days I will come and tell you more about it. I am checking over every minute of it – I am not trying to be the slightest bit continent either. I am mourning my failure to collect the 19 francs which you owe me too: – its far more than that now as the interest rate is what is termed by stock salesmen as interesting” so is the investment if you come right down to it.

The end of our stay here is in sight and although it has been so comfortable here I do not regret leaving. Its too unsettling being anywhere where there are civilians because then one thinks that he should have his own people with him. That’s what you are, Dear. – “mine own people”.

I had a dandy bath in my own room last night, heated water and had a good big seau – and took a perfectly good scrub up – cleansing but not comfortable.

I am enclosing a picture that I cut out of “Blighty” which isn’t bad.

Sweetheart, I adore you to-day just love you to pieces. I want to be in your arms every minute and hear you tell me that you loved me first and most.

            Your own

                        Ross